Rani

" Throw her out", this was the first greeting i got from the world, so different from what i use to hear and dream about, during the 9 months i was in mother's womb. Suddenly, i was someone unwelcome, unwanted, suitable only to be thrown to stray dogs or strangled to death, I, was Rani, the girl child. Had it not been for mother, i would have been a history, an untold one, never to be talked or heard everafter. For the next few months, the only companion i had was mother, her untiring spirit to keep me alive against all odds, she had been through, what i was being through now. Mother was beside me all the time, feeding, cleaning and taking care of the the household chores as well. We had a big family, father, mother, grandfather, grandmother and many uncle and aunts, most of them keeping to themselves. Even on festivals we rarely celebrated them together, mother was cursed everytime by them, because she bore me and doctors now said, she can have no more childrens.
Slowly i started growing and seeing and understanding the world around me. Father earned a meagre salary as a daily wage labourer, the hard earned 30Rs or so which he use to get after working at the brick kiln, were hardly sufficient to run the household. Some days when it use to rain or otherwise the work was stopped, all we could do was to drink plain water mixed with some lemon juice from Ramu kaka's garden and salt. Father was becoming old, when i was born he was already 32, and now 10 years later, after the hard work that he did, even at 42 he resembled more older than the man in the big cloth hung on the main road. Mother told me, that guy was the local MLA, an affluent politican and around 15 years older to my father. I use to wonder and ask mother, "Maa, when will our photo displayed like this on the main road", mother use to laugh and turn her face, only to hide her tears. I was still discovering the world.
One day, when i was 14, this young man came to our house with my father. His name was Ramphal, he was also a daily wage earner and use to work in the factory nearby. But he looked more handsome and healthy, mother told me, he earned 50Rs. per day and he had a cow at home, whom he milched and earned money by selling the milk to the co-operative dairy. That day, mother gave me a new dress to wear, father too asked me to come and sit and he told the young man how talented i was, how i could cook for 100 people in 1 hour and knit designer sweaters and clean and maintain the house when my parents went to work. They even told him, i knew algebra, the name father kept on reciting for the past few days, to be able to vomit it in front of the stranger. The man, who was going to be his daughter's husband, was impressed, i think more by my physical appearance than by my skills in algebra.
Monday, the 20th day of June, was fixed for my marriage with Ramphal. I was excited and could not sleep the whole night, waiting for the morning so that i can go and disclose to my friends that in a fortnight i will be going to my prince charming, that he was going to come on a horse and take me with him, up high the mountain of love, that he will care for me and i will love him as if there was none other than him, in this world. Days and night started passing like running water from a broken pitcher, my wedding day came. I was dressed and while the local pandit recited the mantras, my eyes were filled with the dreams about future, about the new life i was going to have. Next day morning, we started in a rickshaw to my new household, Ramphal on his bicycle, which he got repaired specially for the marriage, his friends and relatives walking slowly with us.

Ramphal's house was a smaller one, although bigger than ours. At the entrance were two bamboo chairs, for visitors. Inside was a big bed, like the one i saw in a song of movie, ....m....mmm.., i forgot the name. Ramphal told me, the bed is a gift from his affluent uncle who lived in a big city, and the almirah, from his another uncle, who too lived in some big city, and those were the only two blood relatives that he had in this world. All others were co-passengers.

The first few days after marriage were filled with fun, love, caring. I loved to hear him speak, cook his food, wash his clothes, and when all done, wait for him to come back from work. Slowly time passed and i became pregnant. When i delivered this news to Ramphal, he was elated and took an appointment at the new doctor's clinic, which had opened in our village recently. I was afraid on one side and happy on the other. The pain of labour use to make me worried, but the happiness on Ramphal's face made all my worries look miniature.

I bore a child, it was a male child, we named him Ramdhan. He had a wheatish complexion, eyes big like his father and face round like mine. During daytime i always had to be there to take care of him, he had become so naughty in a few months time, that anything and everything which caught his attention, he wanted to grab it, it was the burning stove or the lighting lamp.

One day, Ramphal told me that he was in debt, the interest on the credit, he had taken to celebrate Ramdhan's birth, was mounting and he was finding it difficult to manage the household. Reluctantly, he asked me whether i would work as a house help at his factory owner's guesthouse. Initially i opposed, ramdhan was so small, but then i agreed, anyways i was supporting Ramphal. I started going for work from the very next day, leaving ramdhan at my mother's house and bringing him back while returning.

The work at the guesthouse wasn't very hectic, at least i thought so. I had to broom and mop the 5 odd rooms and clean the clothes. As everyday the guesthouse wasn't occupied, i took time off and watched television, when no one use to be there, sometimes practicising the dance steps in some song. Life was going on smoothly, until the houseowner Ramesh told me one day that some people are going to stay in the guesthouse and i had to clean there clothes and look after them too.I was a bit perturbed, but considered it part of the job and agreed. Next day, the five visitors arrived, all in their mid 20's. They wore designer clothes, smoked and dranked during the night and use to wake up late in the morning. The obnoxious smell, from their rooms and clothes use to make me give vomiting sensation, but somehow i managed.
One day, while i was working alone, i noticed something peeping through the crack in the window pane. I immediately got up and opened the window, it was Sanjay, one of ramesh's close friend who use to visit the guesthouse occassionally. I got angry and banged the window on his face, he turning back just in time, before his nose was smashed by the window pane. This took him to surprise but he got over it and came back for me, before i could knew he had held his hand on my neck, strangulating me, choking me. He had a long rope in his hand and with that he tied me by the neck to the window grills, i was shouting for help but none was so near or preferred to be near to hear my cries. The day reminded me of the day i was born, i wasn't considered worth then and here i was tied by the neck, my only fault, that i was trying to save myself. For the next two hours i was tied like this, in the afternoon sun, my whole skin burnt. After such torture, i had started feeling dizzy and could no longer bear the heat. When i woke up, i was in a bed, with no clothes and scratch marks on my whole body, i was raped, not by 1 but 9 men, all accomplices of sanjay. My hands tied behind my back, as if i was a slave, who was brought into this world only to be used, at the hands of men. I was helped by one of the boys, who came back from their day's work, who choose to lend me their t-shirts but who kept mum on coming with me to the polcie station. I was simply told to remain quiet and go home, and i did. Reaching home, i narrated this whole incident to Ramphal, initially he was angry but when he heard Sanjay's name, he pacified and told me to forget it. I was outraged, did i not have a value, was i too be used and thrown away like this. Did my insult, my injury made no difference to anyone. I was assaulted in braod daylight, by people older enough to be my uncles, and yet none was ready to help me, not even the prince charming who had vowed to protect me against all odds. I was aghast, shattered by the sheer lack of care, lack of respect and will to fight for my rights. No body was ready to help me, because i was a women, physically weaker and mentally fragile. I felt the world crumble in front of me, the women who gives birth, who is considered so pure was treated some inhuamenly and no body was coming to her rescue.

At dawn, i decided i wanted to die. I started to move swiftly towards the ridge, i will jump from it and end this pain, this agony, for ever. As i was moving, i suddenly saw something lying, it was an abandoned child, it was a girl. Soaked in mud and water, it was lying in a pool of blood and scars all around. I had just come on time and saved it from being devoured from the stray dogs. I took the baby in my arms and cried loudly, is there someone in this world who would save us. I cried my heart full, the idea of jumping down the ridge too passed. I held her in my lap, i knew i had a job to do, i vowed, i would not let the same happen to her. That day, we left the village.